not me! monday

oh boy. where do i begin? there are just too many things that have NOT happened since my last not me! monday post. but today, i'll keep it short and sweet. er, uhhh, well just read...

last week, after the kids were in bed asleep and ben and i were about to get our nightly netflix fix (say that 5 times fast), i did NOT go to the freezer to get my nightly serving and a half of ice cream. i did NOT easily open the freezer door to a winter wonderland of snow and frost covering everthing in my packed freezer. yes... that's right—the night before when i put the ice cream away? i didn't shut the door all the way...

upon realizing this i did NOT slam the door shut, thinking that it would somehow reverse the problem, i guess. but then i decided to deal with it then and there. i started loading garbage bags with thawing frozen food and salvaging what i could. ben did NOT take over 6 bags of freezer food to the trash. and i was NOT sulking—not because we were throwing hundreds of dollars of food away, but because the ice cream was soupy and now i wouldn't be able to have any.

i started cleaning some of the ice out of the freezer (it really needed to be defrosted, too, so i guess this wasn't all bad), thinking that ben was out at the dumpster for a very long time... when finally he came back inside holding one of our [nine] quarts of soupy ice cream. he did NOT say, "hey, i was digging through the trash and this one isn't too bad. you could have some of it..." i was NOT thinking eww, gross, disgusting, but felt it anyway and it was frozen solid! i was still repelled by the thought of eating it though, thinking it had already been in the trash, when ben told me he did NOT go to the grocery store really quick to buy it for me! awwwww...... ♥

then my moment of you're so sweet got inturrupted. i looked at him, my eyes grew wide, and i did NOT say, "YOU DID NOT JUST GO TO THE STORE IN YOUR JAMMIE PANTS!!!" oh goodness. i'm sure that someday we will NOT end up on peopleofwalmart.com.

ahem.

so that was that. we enjoyed our cookie dough ice cream, netflix, went to bed, and all was well. until i woke up the next morning. the bag of frozen bread dough that i had set on the counter had NOT risen all night, exploded through the bag, and made a huge doughy mess. well thank goodness i threw it in the garbage before i went to bed—the mess was contained in the trash can! but it was quite funny to see a huge glob of dough bursting through its bag. i did NOT punch it down about 3 times before ben came home and took out that trash bag...!

and now fast forward to today. i was able to save a roast. so i decided it needed to be cooked today. i got it in the oven, left the styrofoam tray on the STOVE, and started making the kids' lunch.

yeah yeah... you're probably thinking the same thing my sister thought, ERIN! you did NOT turn the burner on did you?! no, people i am NOT that stupid (really, i am...). but my lovely daughter, smart as she is, did NOT think the bloody meat juice in the bottom of the tray was "vanilla that we use in cakes," and did NOT decide to dip her finger in for a lick. well, at least she has a little smarts—she told me she wiped her finger on the towel "because the vanilla was cold," and then licked it.

see? this is why i should NOT be entirely banned from the kitchen!

visit mckmama for more not me fun! me? i'm off to eat some roast!

not me! monday

it's monday... happy not me!


this week i have NOT abstained from peeking in my Christmas present(s). i do NOT want to peek so badly. and i just might NOT peek before Christmas gets here. but in other news, ben and my MIL were conspiring on the phone and searching the internet for something for me. and when they couldn't find it, i did NOT hear them say that they'd have to wait until next year. ahh! this past week has been hard enough not knowing what my presents were. how could i wait a whole year?! but last night? i figured out what it was!! i was looking for something on ebay and halfway down the page it had pictures of items recently looked at. aha!! when i asked ben about it he did NOT deny it and pretend he didn't know what i was talking about. after much interrogation he finally admitted it. ahh... sweet victory. and now i don't have to be in suspense for a year!

so if you thought the phlegm flying onto my leg was gross last week, stop reading. (don't say i didn't warn you.) as the week progressed, so did my cold. my head was so stuffy and my nose was so plugged, that one morning in the shower i did NOT blow my nose into my bare hands. nope. i definitely did NOT do that. instead i decided that not being able to breathe was better than doing something that nasty. only a man would blow green gobs of mucus into their hands, right?!

i did NOT rinse and repeat the next day. (read: i blew my nose into my hands the next morning too.)

i did NOT finish designing our Christmas cards/pictures online last week, but have yet to order them. the way i'm going, i am NOT thinking that they might end up being new year's cards...

happy monday!!

not me! monday

ben was NOT home wednesday through today due to lack of work. and in our attempt to get some things done around the house, we did NOT get side-tracked by the mess of wires behind our TV. we did NOT spend one afternoon disconnecting, labeling, re-routing, and reconnecting cords and wires. i can NOT honestly say that the back of our TV is the only organized space in the house.

samantha did NOT have the whole week off school last week. this vacation was NOT unplanned and spontaneous. i am NOT counting wii games (she has to read), farmville (science), and shopping (social studies, math) as her school for last week, simply because that's about all she did!!

last week we did NOT get the tree up, 95% of the presents bought, gifts wrapped and placed under the tree. this is NOT the earliest we've ever had this done so we are NOT way ahead of schedule this year. now i will NOT be able to spend all my free non-stressful time cleaning the house....

this morning i did NOT go and soak in the tub after i told ben i was gonna jump in the shower quick. and i did NOT put my head under the water so i would not hear the kids and feel guilty for relaxing. and then i did NOT decide to shave my legs since i'm starting to look a bit manly. i did NOT have to pick globs of hair out of the razor a few times and i did NOT have to use more than one razor to thoroughly complete the job.

and just because i like to give y'all too much information and gross you out, while in the bathtub i did NOT have a coughing fit (remember we're all sick here) and a big glob of phlegm did NOT go flying somewhere out of my mouth. a couple minutes later i did NOT finally find it on my leg...


there ya go! what have you NOT been doing lately? join in on the fun or visit mckmama for some more not me! monday therapy!

puh-lease tell me!!!

why is it totally okay and acceptable for a husband to pass gas in front of his wife?!

but when the reverse happens and wifey is a little flatulent, it is gross, nasty, and absolutely disgusting?


there is definitely something wrong here!

not me! monday

thanks to mckmama, there is now a reason to love and look forward to mondays! hop on over to her blog to join in on the not me! monday fun!!

* * *

sooo.... now that we all know the difference between pt and ot, i have to get this off my chest: when ryan's pediatrician told me that he needed physical and occupational therapy, i did NOT immediately think to myself, but he's not even remotely close to being old enough to have a job... nope, i am NOT that blonde!

* * *

while cleaning out the closet the other day, i did NOT find my bridesmaid dress from my sister's wedding 11 years ago. i did NOT proceed to try it on.... and it did NOT fit!!!! (ok, granted it was a slight bit more form-fitting than it was when i was 16, but it zipped all the way up. and i could breathe!!!) i was NOT so excited that i did NOT wear the dress for about 40 minutes while i called my sister to tell her.

* * *

during one of my coughing fits this week (due to this wonderful head cold) i did NOT cough up a big gob of phlegm and it did NOT go flying out of my mouth and land on my arm.... ummm, no. that really couldn't have happened because i always cough with a tissue. well, at least i do NOW!

the same thing did NOT happen to samantha. and she did NOT come and show me the glob of mucous in her hand...

* * *

since i now have a somewhat clean pantry, there is absolutely no way that i bought another jar of peanut butter at target last night. it was NOT on sale and i did NOT have a coupon. so of course i was NOT obligated to snatch up a good deal. and on top of that, we most certainly did NOT buy 3 more boxes of cereal...

* * *

happy monday y'all!

because you learned this when you were a toddler...

how to walk.

how to use utensils when you eat.

how to dress yourself.

how to drink out of a cup.

life is not very complicated as a toddler. it is not rocket science, these simple life skills that are learned at an early age. but as evidenced recently, some people need a little refresher course on one particular developmental milestone. and this is probably something that is repeatedly drilled into a toddler/young child's head: wash your hands with soap after you go potty!!!

seriously, you don't see adults crawling around, shoveling food into their face with their hands, and drinking out of a sippy cup. so for the love of mike (or bob. or jim.), please tell me why are there grown people that act like babies when it comes to common bathroom etiquette?!?

*image property of washinghands.net*

yesterday at one of my frequently visited one-stop-shopping-centers, samantha needed to use the restroom so i accompanied her and waited patiently outside the stall. i thoughtlessly sized up the bathroom situation while waiting for samantha: two other stalls were occupied. samantha exited her stall. and even though she would know to do this in her sleep, i reminded her to wash her hands.

a toiled flushed and a woman around 65-70 years old vacated her stall, walked over to the automatic sink, placed her fingertips under the water for half of a second, glanced around for the towels, then proceeded to ask me where they were.

now i have respect for my elders, so naturally i did not say what was going through my head. but come on, what would her mom have said if she was there?! i'm sure she was taught to wash her hands, right? and you'd think older people would wash their hands to avoid getting sick, right? right?!

i will have to admit that thankfully the woman was thoughtful enough to portray that she was actually washing her hands. because i can't tell you how many times i've been in a public restroom and people have flushed the toilet, walked out of the stall, and exited the bathroom without even a glance toward the sink. really people?! i don't care what your bathroom routine is at home, but please have the courtesy and take 10 seconds to wash your hands as if it's an everyday habit.

even if i go into the bathroom stall with samantha and don't actually use the toilet or touch anything, i will still wash my hands upon departure. because in all reality, i don't want to be the guest subject of any bathroom etiquette blog post!

and while we're on the subject, i have another bathroom story from our vacation this summer. our whole family went camping together, and one of the best parts about camping is the little gas station nearby that sells ice cream cones. it's a daily (if not bi-daily) occurrence for us to venture down to the gas station for some ice cream, or tea cream, as it's more commonly known in our family.

this gas station also has a washing machine and dryer, so one day i went there to do a load of stinky, skanky, smoke-ridden clothes. after getting quarters from the lone employee sitting behind the counter, i decided i'd do my hair and make up in the bathroom right down the hall in order to pass the time. just as my beautification process was about done, said employee entered the restroom, went in the stall, quickly emptied her bladder, flushed the toilet, exited the stall, and walked right out the door.

i'm sure shock was written all over my face as i couldn't believe that happened. sure, i know she didn't want to leave the store unattended for a long time, but what could've happened in the 20 seconds it would've taken her to wash her hands?! i just don't get how people can do that with witnesses present... thinking it couldn't get any worse, about 30 minutes later i went to pay for some firewood and there she was, scooping up ice cream for some poor unsuspecting family... i went back to the campsite and told the story to my equally shocked family. we didn't get ice cream from her that day...

so... have you ever experienced this kind of bathroom behavior? do you wash your hands?! do you have an interesting public restroom misconduct story? do tell! although, if you don't wash your hands, please keep that to yourself. otherwise i just might blog about you!

not me! monday

this week...

i did NOT almost put my foot in my mouth at ryan's mri appointment when i almost told one of the doctors that nurses are better than doctors!!

and speaking of his mri, i did NOT forget all about it this weekend and totally forget to call today to find out the results until ben phoned me to see if i heard anything! i am now NOT waiting patiently for dr. h to call me with the results.

we did NOT have a bug scare this weekend and have NOT taken precautionary measures and treated our cars and our house for, ahem, fleas... (that our car picked up somewhere else). my washing machine has NOT been running non-stop and my carpets have NOT ever been vacuumed this many times in one weekend!

because of the flea scare, we did NOT decide to royally clean out ben's work car. we did NOT fill over six garbage bags of trash and ben did NOT find something that he got from a job over a year ago!!

yesterday we were minus samantha, so we decided to try out a new to us hole-in-the-wall mexican restaurant. i did NOT have fajitas for the first time ever. (go ahead and judge, people.) they were NOT incredibly YUMM-Y! (why hasn't anyone ever told me how good they are?!) and we did NOT have the cutest little waiter. he did NOT remind me of a latino elmer fudd!

i cleaned out my pantry today (yea me!) and did NOT find a few items that were over 3 years expired. and i also did NOT find a sinful amount of cereal. and jello. any guesses as to how many boxes?!

you can find more not me! fun at mckmama's blog. happy monday!

gag me

today i took a shower.

*pause for applause*

yes, i'm quite proud of myself too, seeing as that didn't happen for me yesterday...

ahem.

anyway, towards the end of my shower i couldn't help but notice the nice little pool of water i was standing in. drat. the drain probably needs to be declogged from the massive amount of hair that falls out of my head, i thought to myself.

and then the thoughts continued in my head: man that really grosses me out. i can't stand to pulling hair out of drains. it makes me want to throw up. oh i almost did throw up that one time when ben said he had a present for me and he proceeded to show me what looked like a living creature made of hair, soap scum, etc. that he pulled out of the shower drain. that was so mean of him. i hope he'll declog the drain again so that i won't have to. i would probably end up throwing our little plastic drain declogger right in the trash with the gobs of hair. i am NOT gonna touch the gobs of hair...

[side note: this is also my thankful thursday. because i am so thankful that ben will declog the drain for me...]

so as i was standing in the shower thinking about how gross drain hair is (well, hair in general. you know, when it's not on your head where it was made to be.), i got to thinking about all the things that make me gag.

and i knew you all would be dying to know too.

so here's my list of the top ten things that make me want to puke:

10. the thought of eating sushi.

9. the smell of sulfer

8. spoiled milk. apparently not chocolate milk though!

7. slimy food particles in the dishwater.

6. other babies' poopy diapers. (i'm SO glad i don't work in the baby nursery at church!)

5. seeing kids chew on paper.

4. the thought of having my eye poked out.

3. having anything in my mouth for too long. gum, pen, keys, etc. there comes a point where i will start gagging on it. (too bad it didn't work with chocolate. or ice cream...)

2. dryer lint. i couldn't touch the stuff until i had kids! and it still grosses me out to touch it.

1. hair!! hair in drains. hair in food. hair in my mouth (refer to #3.) stray hairs in the shower. globs of hair in dust bunnies. seriously, they all make me gag!


ahh, now i will be able to sleep better knowing that you now know what gags me...

and hey if you like reading lists and/or making lists, stop by sara's blog and check out top ten thursday!