technicality

this is ryan.

ryan likes candy.

ryan found candy.

mommy told ryan not to open the candy.

mommy failed to tell ryan not to eat the candy. and the wrapper.

technically, ryan obeyed.

 mommy learned an obvious lesson.

the end.

not me! monday ~ birthday edition

we do NOT not do birthdays around here. confused?! with my birthday on the 9th, then ben's on the 17th, and with valentine's day in the middle, we don't get too hyped up with celebrations. usually we just go out for dinner and kill three birds with one stone.

but ryan's hand foot and mouth disease put the kybosh on my plans of taking ben out to dinner on his birthday last wednesday, so i came up with some last minute plans:

a cake was the first thing in order. i was NOT extremely relieved when i found a cake mix AND matching frosting in the pantry. ryan did NOT enjoy licking the batter (or ice cream as he called it) off the beaters and decorating the cake eating the frosting and sprinkles.

and then i had the not-so-brilliant-idea to make ben a happy birthday poster life-sized banner. i did NOT spend the rest of the morning printing and cutting out big colorful letters and making the kids color pictures. and then i did NOT get sidetracked—i had made ben coupons for his birthday (you know, like one free back massage, take out the trash for you, and get out of trouble free), and did NOT forget to print them out.

cue the break for lunch—i did NOT figure that i'd have plenty of time to finish my projects before ben got home from work, so i decided to sit down and eat lunch with the kids.

right after lunch ben did NOT call to say he was on his way home and that he'd be home in 30 minutes.

30 minutes!!!

i did NOT scramble to hide the cake on the washing machine behind the laundry basket, clean up my mess of paper scraps, and then hide all the letters and pictures and coupons in our bed underneath the sheets.

the kids and i did NOT welcome him home with "happy birthday to you," and then cancel school and totally abandon him to go work on our project. it did NOT take me about two hours to cut out and staple the coupons into booklets and glue letters and pictures onto the roll of paper.

well clearly i did NOT fail to think out the banner. because when it was done? and it was time to tape it up on the wall? waaayyyyyy to big to do it by myself. although i did do it by myself...

anyway, 129 inches later, it was all taped up on the wall. that's right, the banner ended up being 10 feet 9 inches long!!

it was NOT worth it though, don't you think?

overall, it did NOT turn out okay. and i am NOT lucky to have a husband that doesn't care if he gets a real present or not! happy 31st birthday ben! next year i will NOT plan better!

go visit mckmama.com for more not me! fun.

wordless wednesday

not me! monday

welcome to not me! monday! this blog carnival was created by mckmama. you can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. but as for us...

i did NOT let ryan wear big boy underwear for a couple days just to make myself remember to take him potty. we did NOT have two successfull days with no accidents. and ry does NOT look super duper cute in his undies!

unfortunately, ry got sick last week so we've been taking a few days off. he did NOT have a fever last tuesday and wednesday, and then on saturday night i did NOT notice that he had a rash on his legs and arms. it did NOT turn out that the poor boy has hand foot and mouth disease. he does NOT have blister like sores all over his hands and feet, and inside his mouth. and i do NOT want to pop them so badly. (but don't worry—i won't do that!!!)

so remember last year when i realized that my mom had sent me the same birthday card three years in a row? well this year she didn't send me a duplicate, although she did tell me that was the first card she picked up in the store... anyway. every year mom sends samantha and ryan valentines. so i did NOT crack up laughing when samantha opened hers and exclaimed "MOM! THIS IS THE SAME ONE GRAMMA SENT ME LAST YEAR!!"

we don't usually do anything for valentine's day or get each other anything, so when ben had to work yesterday it was no big deal. but even though we don't do anything to celebrate doesn't mean i don't appreciate it when we do! so i was NOT super excited when he told me he'd go get dinner so i wouldn't have to cook! and then after dinner? ben and samantha were being quiet in the kitchen when suddenly he did NOT bring me the canola oil and ask "is this our vegetable oil?" when i told him yes and asked why, he told me he was just making sure it was okay. and then samantha, the queen of elusiveness, did NOT bring in the same oil and ask "mom? is this good brownie oil?" and then later, she did NOT bring me the rubber scraper and ask "do you want a lick of batter? it's not any special kind of batter, it's just brown batter."

well, it turns out that it was special batter. because can i tell you that those perfect ghirardelli brownies were NOT the best valentine's day present (and the best brownies!)?! Mmmmmm! i did NOT enjoy one for breakfast this morning. or two...!

here's to a good week—happy monday!!

history was never my best subject, until tonight

so we've all heard the phrase those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, right?

well, thankfully i learned from my past because this mistake did not occur again!

you be the judge

it's my birthday today.

and i may or may not be totally excited to be 28...

i may or may not still act like a kid when it comes to my age and turning another year older...

i may or may not be [im]patiently waiting for two years to go by so i can be 30...

i may or may not regret this when i'm about to turn 30...

i may or may not have pre-ordered a cd for my birthday present just because it was going to come out on my birthday...

my birthday present from ben may or may not have been off of a pallet that he bought at the auction...

said birthday present may or may not have been pens... lots of them.

that may or may not have been the best present ever...

i may or may not have had ice cream three times today...

i may or may not have totally enjoyed all the birthday wishes from my friends and family...

i may or may not have requested that we don't go out, but stay home and order pizza for my birthday...

and i may or may not have had raspberries blown on my belly from my family instead of getting birthday spankings...

i may or may not have had one of the greatest birthdays today...

you decide!

not me! monday

finally back with a not me! last monday i was NOT way too exhausted to even think about blogging. our about to be 5 year old niece did NOT come over the previous friday because her parents were out of town. she did NOT cry and whine going to bed that night. and then she did NOT wake up the next morning throwing up. i did NOT lysol, clorox wipe, and germex every furniture, surface, and hand constantly. and i did NOT do mounds of bedding and blankets. that night, thankfully, she slept awesome. it was NOT because of the heaven-sent tylenol and benadryl. the next night, however, different story. she did NOT cry and cry again. and then at 3:30, she did NOT get up repeatedly to go to the bathroom, or get a drink, or cry, or tell me about a bad dream, etc. this did NOT go on until 7am when i finally made her go sleep on the couch. she did NOT come and wake me up a little later with blood on her shirt and fingers and nose... it was NOT monday—her last day with us. that night? i did NOT sleep like a baby the whole night through!


one night, after seeing a commercial for feminine products, samantha did NOT start asking a bunch of questions about what they were for and why mommies had to use them. my dear husband, ben, did NOT tell her that they were diapers for me to wear in case i went potty in my panties... umm?! thanks hun.


and speaking of panties, my dearest daughter did NOT grab a pair of my panties, hold them up for my mother-in-law to see, and announce, "nana!! look at mommy's panties!" they were not my mesh, ruffled, hot pink panties...


my sister has NOT come to the conclusion that i am disaster prone after i unintentionally drank bleach one night. you see, the bleach dispenser on my washing machine seemed to be clogged. after the bleach (not just straight bleach, the thicker color safe bleach) finally drained, i poured some water in the dispenser to see if it would drain. it didn't. so i did NOT decide to shove a straw down the hole to see if it was clogged. i tried to blow into the straw to try to loosen up the clog. but that didn't seem to work. so in my state of stupidity, i did NOT then decide to try and unclog it by SUCKING on the straw. annnnndddd.... mouth full of bleach. i did NOT immediately spit it into the washing machine. and then rinse my mouth out. again and again. it was finally ice cream that took that awful taste out of my mouth.


go visit mckmama.com to see if there's anyone else as stupid as me... i know i'm gonna!

the scene of the crime: target

the offense: passing up a ridiculously cute, cheap pair of hot pink converse shoes.

the offender: me

yep... that's right. on monday i went to target. i had my kids with me. and my soon to be 5-year-old niece. i had time to kill before i was supposed to drop her off at my mother-in-law's house, so to target we went. i had to get ryan's medicine refilled, so as we waited for the prescription we wandered around target, each member of our posse hanging on to the cart, and touching nothing. we meandered through electronics, housewares, toys, and finally arrived at the shoes. there, before my eyes, was a whole aisle of clearanced shoes. i carefully looked them over, waiting for a pair to jump into my cart and demand that i buy them.

and then i saw them.

converse. hot pink. 75% off.

i flipped over the price tag. $4.98

$4.98!!!!

i looked at the size. girl's 2.

ugh... i wear anything from a woman's 7.5 to a 9, depending on the shoe, unlike my sister who can fit into both women's and girl's shoes. i searched through the shoes anyway, just hoping there might be a pair that would fit. and then i found them. girl's size 5.5.

i tried them on. they fit! but for some reason i was deliberating if i should buy them, when suddenly samantha piped up and said, "MOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" (no, not oo as in moon, but a long, drawn out, said-with-an-attitude 'MOM') "WHY are you trying THOSE sneakers on?! you're NOT even a TEENAGER anymore!!!"

i took them off, put them back on the shelf, got ry's prescription, walked out the door, and drove away. (you know, after putting the kids in the car...)

* * *

back at home i tweeted my offense. i knew ashley would yell at me, but i didn't think everyone would! i guess it was evident that i WAS out of my mind.

it didn't take much to convince me that i needed to go back and buy the shoes, so the next morning we ventured out to target again. i grabbed a cart and headed straight for the shoes. after a minute of thinking they were gone, i saw them. i snatched them up and stuck them in my cart. and all wrongs were made right...

yes, ryan is kissing my shoes. i may or may not have thought of doing the same thing...

moral of the story? and i have the bestest friends! even when i mess up, they're right there to set me straight. that is, after they threaten to not be my friend, and don't want to look at me for 3 months!

oh, and don't pass up a cute five dollar pair of shoes!

wordless wednesday — target style