on wednesday evening samantha and our 6-year-old neighbor boy were outside playing together, when all of a sudden samantha ran inside and did NOT say "MOM!!! MAURICIO JUST WENT POTTY ON OUR STEPS!!!" i figured he wet his pants, but when i went outside he already ran into his house. so i got the story from samantha...
this summer we've had slugs on our sidewalk and steps at night, and apparently mauricio thought he'd try to kill a couple. with urine. so he did NOT drop his pants in front of samantha and pee all over our steps. she told him not to do it, and she wanted to come inside but it was too late. so she did NOT cover her eyes so she wouldn't see anything! good girl!
and it was NOT my daughter who didn't give into peer pressure when he said "don't tell your mom! don't tell your mom!" according to samantha, she did NOT have the strength to tell me!
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one morning while eating my breakfast of lucky charms, i did NOT decide to multi task and read my email at the same time on my brand new 3-week-old laptop. i did NOT think of all the things that could go wrong with holding a bowl full of cereal over a new laptop, so i made sure to be extra careful.
and then my cell phone rang.
in my haste to get up, i did NOT quickly close my laptop, which somehow hit the spoon in my bowl, and did NOT send milk and lucky charms flying... all over ME!
note: no laptops were harmed in the making of this post!
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remember the coupon party i went to? well, i decided to make lemon bars to bring. and since i'm such an expert in the kitchen, i decided to use the betty crocker mix that i just happened to have. i read the directions: press the ready made crust in the bottom of pan... pour filling on top and bake for 25 minutes. easy peasy. i mixed the filling, poured it on top, and stuck it in the oven.
while i was cleaning up the counter, i did NOT glance at the back of the box. *gulp* i did NOT fail to read the directions entirely. press the ready made crust in the bottom of pan... bake for 10 minutes... pour filling on top and bake for 25 minutes. i did NOT think that since the crust was ready made i wouldn't have to do anything else with it, like bake it!!
in the end the lemon bars did NOT turn out okay, with just a bit of a crumbly crust, and they did NOT still taste good!
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last night after the kids were in bed, we did NOT have a runaway fish. ben was going to put samantha's new fish, swimmy, into the fish tank. and before adding her to the tank he had her in a small temporary container on top of the tank. about a half hour later, when he was ready to introduce swimmy to her new home, he did NOT say "OH NO.... WHERE IS SHE?"
we did NOT search all around on the floor until finally we found her. she had NOT jumped out of the container, flopped across the top of the tank, and fallen 4 feet to the very dusty carpet behind the fish tank. we thought for sure she was a gonner. and then she flopped! ben did NOT scoop her up, dust and all, and stick her in the fish tank. there are NOT dust bunnies floating around in the water...!
and swimmy is thankfully NOT still swimming today!!
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last week while cleaning out the kids' closet, i did NOT find about 10 princess pull-ups that never got used when samantha was potty training.
ryan is NOT potty training right now.
i'm sure y'all are smart enough to put two and two together, right?
yes, my little man is NOT sporting a cinderella pull-up today. goodness, after this incident ryan is going to be scarred for life!
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happy monday!
7 comments:
hilarious! and i'm sorry, ryan.... auntie rah should be there to save your from embarassment! samantha, way to be a good girl! erin, i wish i could have some of those crumby lemon bars! :)
*giggles* that was fun to read!! :)
I've heard that some people make pizza crust from scratch, but I open a can of dough. I also always buy the store brand. But one time, the name brand happened to be on sale, so I bought it. When I was making pizza, my friend Smitty was with me and I asked her what temp to put the oven on. She started reading all the directions, including the fact that you're supposed to bake the crust, add the toppings and then bake some more. I swore she was crazy and that wasn't right. It turns out - the fancy brand name requires an extra step. But there for a minute I thought I'd been cooking "EASY" pizza wrong all these years! :)
You needs pictures of Ryan in the pull ups. Another wordless Wednesday is coming up you know!
remember when i asked ricci to tell me how long to cook the biscuits and she said she didn't understand what it said BECAUSE she was reading the spanish instructions?
You are such a goofball! I love it! Good for Ryan, it will increase his manliness and sensitivity factor!
You made the lemon bars?? Those are my favorite and I thought they were great!!
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