Sunday, July 19, 2009

ax murderer x-ing

ladies and gentlemen, my third guest blogger, sara. you can catch her regularly at domestically disabled. she's a riot! and this post--well, it's just a glimpse of the entertainment you'll encounter over at her blog!


Okay folks. Luckily for you, Erin is on vacation and stuff, so she let me take over for a post. Now Erin? Normal, nice, friendly lady. So basically, I have no idea why she is letting a spaz like myself take over her blog. I mean, what will the neighbors think? Will they look upon her choice of blog readerism as a sign of forthcoming spaziness on her part? I sure hope not. One of my favorite things about Erin and her blog? How it is so obvious she loves her children, husband and life. She is totally dedicated to what she loves and that is awesome. Me? I knew you'd ask. I rarely post pics of my boys, share only occasional stories and generally talk about myself. Its a sickness.{Actually, there are so many awesome blogs about children/family out there, that I figure you'd all rather read about those than what I have to say on those subjects.}

You should probably also know that I always write like this. Abstract. Random. Vague. I like a little mystery to my life. And? It totally goes against the grain of my career as a teacher. Yep, I teach children writing, then break all the rules.

Finally, I am about to fall asleep, so if you are interested? Here is the post that sums up my life fears. Enjoy!

* * *

I have read a couple of posts lately that talk about people sleeping with a fan on or a white noise machine. Now, I like the sound of this. In fact, I slept with the fan on last night, and slept great, even through Asher throwing up. I cannot do it every night though, and have a question for those of you who do use one nightly.

Are you afraid of an axe (or chainsaw, even shotgun) murderer slipping in through a window and sneaking in to your bedroom to kill you and steal your underwear, whilst you are unaware, because you couldn't hear them approaching because of your white noise machine or fan?

Or, am I paranoid? I mean, I won't even tell you when my hubby is out of town until he is home, in case you are an ax murderer, or related to one, or even leave my blog open on your computer whereas an ax murder could access my blog and read it and see that I am alone.

(*Please don't assume my husband is a lot of help. Whenever I hear an ax murderer outside, he just snorts and goes back to sleep.)

I know I don't have my address or anything, but come on. I would dare say any ax murderer with any smarts beyond swinging his ax and stealing underwear could figure out where a blogger lives.

I think my fear comes from a young age. I remember being 10 or so years old, when my mom heard an ax murderer outside our door. She somehow convinced me to go look out the window while she "stood guard." As I crept fearfully towards the window, she reassured me I'd live. I looked, then turned around.

My mom was in the other room.

She left me alone with furry animal making noise ax murderer.

I am 29 years old, and can count on one hand the number of nights I've spent by myself. Whenever Corey goes out of town, I go to my parents, sisters or somewhere else. Yep, I pull out my big girl panties and suck it up.

Actually, a few months ago, I had a run in with the ax murderer himself. I finished a workshop early, and came home to take a nap. I was blissfully asleep, when I heard footsteps moving across the house, toward the bedroom. I had no idea what to do. Scream, hide, panic, what?!?
The footsteps stopped at the door to my bedroom. I peeked. (aren't I brave?) It was my husband. He had a meeting in town and stopped home for lunch. He is so lucky I didn't drop kick him like I'd planned. To this day, I can't sleep during the day anymore. It's too nerve wracking.

So that is my question. Are you afraid of ax murdering serial killers coming to kill you in your sleep?

**In fact, I worry just posting this, that it will encourage ax murderers who are googling Ax Murdering 101 to my blog, where they will get ideas. Hello Ax Murder! I live in Arizona! 2121 Langebirge lane E!


Jess(ica) said...

I'm not worried about that kind of stuff. But like you, one of my good friends is afraid of this kind of stuff too. I think something like Zoloft might help you and her both with this irrational fear lol... =)

Ashley said...

Oh Sara, I love you... your intro is sheer awesomeness but I also love you because we are just too much a like.

Erin, totally miss you and excited to see you back soon!

Heather said...

i actually DID have a sort-of run-in with an escape convict. (If you're reading this, convict, shame on your for instilling fear into innocent people!) I was alone in the house for several days and later heard that there was an excape convict who stole something out of the neighbor's trailer, crossed the field in the back 40 (actually 12 acres), then headed for the river. He hopped in a canoe and was caught a few miles down the river. But he was in the backyard (So to speak!)

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

I am mildly afraid of axe murderers breaking while I sleep. I try not to think about it too much.

HOWEVER, several months ago, the nice old lady who lived across the street from us sold her house to a guy who just got out of prison. For counterfeit or some sort of fraud. So now I'm afraid of the convict stealing my mail.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

As always Sara, I love ya! And I hope Erin knows I love her too!

Alicia said...

I think about those every now and again before I go to sleep. Then the little creaks of the house freaks me out...yup. I do it all to myself!

Aunt of 14 said...

I am not afraid of an ax-murderer hacking away at me while I sleep. Because I'd be asleep and not know it was happening!

Kelli said...

I saw the link to this blog on Sara's blogroll and saw "Ax Murdere X-ing" and thought to myself, 'really? Two people with this insane fear? I have to go read this.' I knew it smelled too much of you!
How funny.

Ace said...

Erin - something for you on my blog!