beached

as of this morning, at 39.5 weeks pregnant, feeling like a beached whale is no longer on my bucket list. mission accomplished.

however, if that's still something you'd like to accomplish in your lifetime, i would be remiss in not sharing my fool-proof theory for fulfilling this huge life achievement. here's what you do:

first: be anywhere from 38-40 weeks pregnant. or, if that's impossible for you, strap a 40 pound bag of flour to your tummy, making sure it's impossible for you to bend and touch your toes.

second: fill a bath tub with about 4 inches of water.

third: hop in the tub. if you've chosen to take the flour route, you may first want to put the flour in some kind of waterproof bag as to avoid a very pasty mess!

fourth: lay down in the tub.

fifth: try to sit back up.

when you FINALLY make it out of the tub, go find that bucket list and cross off 'feel like a beached whale.' because if your experience was anything like mine, i'm pretty darn sure you've succeeded!